2011 CMA Awards Predictions

When it comes to making CMA Awards predictions, we have an unfair advantage: we can stick our neck out there in ways other sites can’t because we don’t actually care if we’re right or wrong. Call it the competitive advantage of irreverence.

To see how many of our CMA Awards predictions come true, follow along as our friends at Engine 145 and Country Universe live blog the show tonight.

• During the “Footloose” opening, Blake Shelton and Kenny Loggins forgo professional back-up dancers, personally reenacting one of Ren and Ariel’s dance sequences from the film. Blake Shelton’s moonwalk wins him the lead role in next year’s “Dirty Dancing” remake.
• In accepting her Entertainer of the Year trophy, Taylor Swift takes a moment to burn Bob Lefsetz in effigy. In his email newsletter the next day, Lefsetz somehow spins this anecdote into a plug for Spotify.
• As the Female Vocalist winner makes her way to the stage, also-ran Martina McBride stabs her in the kneecap with a shiv before peeling out of arena on a flame-red Segway.
• David Kersh pulls up to the red carpet in his Opel Kadett, letting the motor run as he waits for someone to recognize him. After several minutes, his car rattles sadly away.
• In one of the bigger surprises of the night, Music Video of the Year goes to “Jalapeños” by the Bellamy Brothers. Faith Hill is seen crying “WHAT!?” despite not having a video among those nominated.
• Camera suddenly cuts to audience during Aldean acceptance speech, catching Brantley Gilbert unawares. He quickly tightens his jaw and puffs out his chest, attempting to look tough.
• Scotty McCreery malfunctions; curtains close swiftly as smoke billows from his ears.
• Rodney Atkins, who is currently Occupying Wall Street, is unable to attend.
• After several reports of a yeti in the restroom, security enters to find James Otto washing his hands.
• Brad Paisley makes toothless quip about Hank Williams Jr., pats self on back for edginess.
• Coming off of vocal rest for one song, Keith Urban sounds exactly like Kristin Chenoweth.
• Eager to replicate the viral magic of her last awards show appearance, Shania Twain takes the stage on 14-inch heels with a mean case of vertigo.